“I just wanna get out of here!” he yelled.
“You can’t!” she yelled back and slammed the door behind her.
He was furious. He wanted to yell and break things like he did before until there was no more energy left. He wanted to break the door down and just run as far away as possible. He just hated her.
He went to the window and looked outsides. Cars honking, people walking by, the sun up in the sky. It was all so alive and he was trapped in this tomb for his entire life. And what life was that?
A hamster living in a bubble. No school, no friends, no human interactions except for his parents and doctors, all the time new, curious to see the boy who could not live. Who could not breath the normal air, who got sick with only having another human being in his vicinity. As he grew older the room became smaller and smaller and all he wanted was for a way out.
He hated it. He hated his immune system, he hated his parents for agreeing to this life. It was not a life, not one he wanted anymore. He imagined himself in all the adventures he read in the books, but all he really wanted was to go outside. To feel the warmth of the sun or the cold of the snow. To breath the air and touch another human being. Even if that will cost his life.
Next week when she came to visit, he was lying in bed looking at the ceiling. He felt exhausted and not in the mood to talk to anyone, especially her.
“I’m sorry.” she said after a couple of minutes of just standing there and looking at him. “I love you, I wished we could have a normal life and all, but this is what we have and we need to make it work.”
There was no answer and she found herself looking as his chest went up and down. There were doctors monitoring him, including his father, but she could not stop being scared that one day he would just stop breathing.
Time passed without any words. It was not a good day and she wanted to leave when he finally spoke to her.
“The notebooks.” he pointed to the table.
She looked at the stack of notebooks and at him. Words. So many she wanted to say, but it was not the moment. She took the notebooks and hold them tight to her chest as she left the room.
Days passed without any of her coming back. At his usual visits, his father did not say a word. She was fine, there was something at home she needed to take care of and she will come. But he could see the sadness in his voice. They had a life outside those doors, a life he was not aware or part of. He was worried, he missed her. A constant presence in his life, even when they were fighting and he needed her.
When she finally came, he run and embraced her. The eyes were red and she looked tired and older. He looked at his father and he wasn’t much happier.
“I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want for this to happened, I hoped you would be on healthy boy. But God had other plans with you. It hurts, it hurts me as well, but I wasn’t ready to lose you. I’m still not. I just hoped you would get used to this life. How silly of me to think you would not want a normal life. You are 19 now, there are so many things you should have done by now, drink, go to a concert, come home late, fall in love….”
The words could not get out anymore as the tears fall violently of her eyes.
“I love you, son” his father put a hand on his shoulder.
She let go on the embrace and step aside, leaving the door open.
He looked at it one more time, amazed. She was… they were letting go. It was hard, for all of them, but for the first time he felt relieved. He kissed them and looked at both his parents one more time and ran outside.
The sun touching his skin, the noise of the city, it was all amazing. It was magic. He touched the parked ambulance in front of the hospital and run to the closed tree. Flowers. Grass tickling his bare feet. He laugh and laugh. There were so many things out there and such a short time. Laid down on the grass listening to to sounds of life, feeling the touch of the sun.
He did not know how long it passed when he started to feel sick. The lungs refused the air, the heart stopped beating. She was there, holding her in her arms, crying.
He reached out and touched her face.
“I love you, mom.” he said and closed his eyes